Do you ever feel caught in patterns of destructive behavior that you can't seem to shake? Behaviors that hurt you and those around you? The story of Tristan in Legends of the Fall comes to mind—proclaimed a hero but ultimately leading to his own destruction through adultery, immoral business dealings, anger, and a broken relationship with God. This kind of self-destructive behavior is not unique to him; many of us face similar struggles in our own lives. But the question remains: Can we break free from these destructive patterns?

I believe the answer is yes, and Christianity offers the most profound solution for overcoming destructive behavior. Let's explore this together: the desire to stop destructive behavior, how we cope with it, and ultimately, how we can overcome it.

We all have a deep desire to break free from destructive patterns. In fact, studies suggest that up to 70% of people identify at least one bad habit or destructive pattern they wish they could stop but feel powerless to change.

What are some destructive behaviors according to Scripture? In Colossians 3:5 and 8, we see a list of behaviors that lead to destruction: sexual immorality, impurity, evil desire, anger, wrath, malice, slander, obscene talk, and lying. These are just a few examples. Have you found yourself struggling with any of these? You're not alone. Even the Apostle Paul, in Romans 7:15, says, "For I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate.”

According to Christian teaching, the root of our destructive behavior is sin. In Scripture, sin is often described using terms like iniquity, transgression, and missing the mark. Sin twists and distorts our hearts, causing our desires to be disordered and leading us to behave in ways that are harmful. As Psalm 51 describes, even someone with a heart "after God" like King David, can be overtaken by destructive behaviors like adultery, murder, and deceit. His prayer for God to "create in me a clean heart" is a powerful reminder of the struggle we all face.

When we recognize destructive behavior in our lives, what can we do? How do we cope with it?In Colossians 2:16, Paul addresses an important issue: “Let no one pass judgment on you in questions of food and drink or with regard to a new moon or a sabbath. These are shadows of things to come, but the substance belongs to Christ.” This means that human traditions, rules, or religious practices are not the ultimate answer to our struggles—they are mere "shadows." The substance, the true answer, is found in Christ.

Sometimes, we turn to religious practices or external rules to cope with destructive behavior. This can include asceticism—self-denial or abstinence from good things in life. Think about practices like extreme fasting, denying yourself anything pleasurable, or trying to earn God's favor through rigid rituals. While these practices may seem wise or even virtuous, they often only mask the deeper issue of the heart. They cannot truly transform us. Examples of asceticism in today’s world might include: "Don’t drink alcohol" (Though wine is even used symbolically by Jesus and he turned water into wine for the good of the wedding guests) "Don’t dance" (Sometimes seen as inappropriate in conservative circles) "Don’t watch R-rated movies" (Even when some R-rated films offer deep themes of redemption). These man-made regulations, while they may seem to offer control, often just replace one destructive behavior with another. As Paul warns, "These have the appearance of wisdom but are of no value in stopping the indulgence of the flesh.” In some cases, people run from one destructive pattern into another—like replacing alcohol addiction with pornography, or overindulgence in food to cope with emotional pain. The truth is, religious rules alone can't stop destructive behavior.

So, how do we actually break free from destructive patterns? The answer lies in what we treasure. The greatest object of our affection shapes our behavior. If our hearts are captured by something destructive, our behavior will follow. But if our hearts are captivated by something life-giving, we will be transformed. In Matthew 6:22-23, Jesus says: “The eye is the lamp of the body. So, if your eye is healthy, your whole body will be full of light, but if your eye is bad, your whole body will be full of darkness. If then the light in you is darkness, how great is the darkness!” Whatever we behold as most glorious and beautiful will fill us with either light or darkness. If money, relationships, or self-glorification become our ultimate pursuits, they will lead us into darkness. 

The gospel offers a different focus. In Jesus, we see the true glory of God. Jesus became the ultimate object of affection for us by undergoing destruction on the cross. His life was sacrificed for our destructive behavior. In Him, we are offered a new heart—a heart that no longer seeks destruction but seeks life. Jesus lived a perfect life, died a brutal death, and was resurrected to offer us new life. When we behold the cross, we see not only the destruction of sin but the hope of redemption. Jesus was executed because He embraced the "unclean"—the sinners, the broken, and the outcasts. His blood was shed to cleanse us from the stains of our sin. When we behold Christ on the cross, we see the fullness of God's love for us.

Ask yourself, What do I treasure most in life? Is it Christ, or something else? Whatever captures your heart will dictate your behavior.

Have you been trying to control your behavior through man-made regulations instead of surrendering to Christ? Repent of trying to save yourself through legalism or external rules. Instead, embrace the grace of God.

If your behavior has startled you—if you’ve recognized the depth of your sin—take comfort. Jesus can give you a new heart. He can transform your behavior from the inside out. Repent of your sin, place your faith in Him, and follow Him.

The way to overcome destructive behavior is not by adhering to man-made rules or ascetic practices, but by making Jesus the treasure of your heart. Where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. If Christ has your heart, He will transform your behavior, leading you to live in the newness of life He offers. Make Him your greatest affection, and you will overcome the destructive patterns in your life, walking in His grace and freedom.